Yet many couples not only stay together, they enjoy a level of trust and intimacy that allows them to thrive in aspects of their life well beyond the relationship.  If a satisfying, nurturing and passionate relationship is part of your definition of a successful life, then you should understand that such relationships do not simply happen; they are intentionally created and maintained.

With that in mind, take a hard look in the mirror as we consider the secrets of highly successful relationships.  Master these secrets and everything in your life will begin to flow much more easily.  These are not just the keys to finding and staying with the one you love.  Whether you are in contact with your husband, wife, children, parent, boss, co-worker or friend, most of these tools can be used to enhance that relationship.

Communication.  One of the surest predictors of divorce is the habitual avoidance of conflict.  If you cannot talk openly with your partner you do not have a solid relationship.  Of course, good communication requires that both partners be willing to listen to the concerns of other.  It also requires that they choose the right time and place for the discussion.  Ambushing your partner with a problem as they come in the door after a long day a work is never a good strategy if you want to have a productive conversation.

Respect.  Avoid raising your voice, interrupting, or degrading your partner by calling them names.  The trick is to manage conflicts in such a way that your partner cannot doubt for a second that you truly love them.  Just unloading your anger and frustration on your partner is NOT good communication.  It should come as no surprise that a spouse who has been verbally or emotionally abused is not going to get too excited about jumping between the sheets with their abuser.  Imagine how much better things will go if you have your arguments sitting down, face to face and holding hands!

Process intense emotions elsewhere.  Too much drama is severely damaging to the long-term health of any relationship.  Get a psychologist or a pastor and vent the worst of your sadness, pain and anger with a professional who is getting paid to listen.  Emotional dumping only adds stress to your relationship and drains all the joy out of it.  Have you ever been around someone who was always depressed or angry?  Were you attracted to them?  Of course not.  Don’t expect your partner to absorb an endless stream of negative emotions.

Honesty.  Even a small lie will be difficult to sustain.  The truth will eventually come out, and when it does the trust between you will be damaged.  It will not take very many instances before the damage is permanent.  Once the trust is gone your relationship will be dead in the water.

Dependability.  This is one of the things we all seek in relationships - someone who will be there for us when it counts.  If you make a promise to do something, make every effort to keep it!

Personal Growth.  Never stop learning.  Explore new things and allow your partner the freedom to explore their areas of interest also.  No one wants to be in a stagnant, stifling relationship.  Many people expect their partner to provide all their happiness.  While you definitely should find common interests that you share, the problem occurs when one or both of the partners have no identity of their own outside the relationship.  If you stop learning and growing, eventually you will simply run out of things to talk about.  All marriages should have things the partners share as well as differences.  The marriage will be functional as long as each spouse can support the other’s differences.

Devotion.  Praise and affirm your partner every chance you get, but only when it is sincere.  Everyone wants to be appreciated and encouraged.  Part of being a devoted partner is also the contribution you make, both in time and resources.

Money.  There is no denying that many a relationship has been destroyed by arguments over money.  The simple way to avoid this is to sit down together and budget.  This way both partners are involved in setting priorities and both know where the relationship stands in terms of fiscal health.  If there is money left over after the essentials are taken care of, give each partner an equal share to spend as they see fit.

Spice it up in the bedroom!  Explore each other’s fantasies.  There is nothing that will kill your sex life faster than predictability, and as long as both partners are physically healthy, sex is a pretty good barometer for the health of the relationship.  However, keep in mind that some fantasies are better left in the imagination.  Anything that is degrading to your partner will not be healthy for the relationship.  But there is no reason not to use candles, oils, scents and silk. Imagination can be your most erotic attribute.

Stay healthy.  Watch your diet and your bad habits.  Get out and get some exercise every day.  Get out with your partner and have an adventure every week.  Once you stop moving you are on the fast track to serious health problems.

Most of us spend far too much time living in the past, where we tend to dwell in feelings of anger, resentment, regret, guilt and shame.  When we are not dwelling on the past we tend to be thinking about the future, where our thoughts center mostly around the fear of what might happen.  No matter what mistakes you have made in the past, you can insure that your future will be bright and happy by choosing to work on yourself in the present.

You can create the loving, nurturing relationships that give purpose to our lives by mastering these key strategies.  A great way to make certain that you are ready for true love is make a list of the traits your ideal partner would have -- then work on developing those traits in yourself!  SpiritQuest Sedona offers amazing personalized couples retreats in Sedona, AZ where those who want experience the joy of real intimacy can master these skills.